🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to be intimate with new partners once more. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want a partner to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this might create. Is it best to continue to have spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to deepen true intimacy with a single person, you will know. The psychotherapist practices as a US-based therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.