These Phrases from A Father That Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely trying to survive for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You require support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate between men, who continue to internalise negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - going on a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."